It's like free therapy.
The
goal of therapy is to give you the tools and strategies for navigating
whatever is going on in your life—from stress or relationship issues to
managing a mental health diagnosis. But a therapist isn't going to just
hand over some life-changing advice and call it a day.
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“Most of the work of therapy happens outside the consultation room,” licensed clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D., tells SELF. “The best progress happens when you apply what you’ve learned outside that setting, in your real life.”
The good news: This means that you have the power to enact real change in the way you think, behave, and cope on a daily basis. But you need to put in the work.
“There are 168 hours in a week,” licensed clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life,
tells SELF. “It would be terribly arrogant on the part of a therapist
to believe that your one-hour intervention will suffice to keep your
clients mentally healthy for the rest of the 167 hours.”
But,
we get it, therapy isn't always accessible to everyone. So, while this
isn't meant to be a substitute for professional help, we asked mental
health professionals to share the most impactful and least intimidating
strategies that they typically give to their patients. If you're looking
for mental health advice that you can start acting on immediately, try
some of these tactics:
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1. Actually try writing your thoughts down.
Venting
is awesome for a reason—it helps you get out your frustrations. That’s
one of the reasons why it can be helpful to keep a mental health
journal, David Klow, licensed marriage and family therapist, founder of Chicago’s Skylight Counseling Center and author of the upcoming book You Are Not Crazy: Love Letters from Your Therapist, tells SELF.
You don’t need to do anything
in-depth or lengthy—just take five minutes or so a day to write down
your thoughts, feelings, or ideas. This can be especially helpful if you
want to keep track of changes in your moods or behavior over time
(maybe to discuss with a therapist later). But it can also just be a
place to work through something in a private, non-judgey space—something
that you may not feel comfortable talking about just yet.
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2. When you're super stressed and overwhelmed, see if there's any way to put a positive spin on it.
Stress happens, and it always sucks on some level—whether you're overworked or overbooked or both.
Still,
Dr. Clark says you can take those moments when you’re totally
overwhelmed and try to look for the good in them. For example, if you’re
stressed because you’re up against an intense work deadline, think
about how that stress is actually helping to push you to get it done.
“The sensation of pressure doesn’t have to be negative—it can be a
positive challenge and motivating,” Dr. Clark says. Or, if you don't
have a free weekend to yourself in the next two months, consider how
it's pretty great that you've got such a rich social life these days. In
many cases, it's all about how you view it.
And,
of course, if you're chronically stressed and there really isn't an
upside, consider viewing that as a welcome warning sign that you need to
find ways to scale back before you burn out.
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3. Plan to take daily, low-key walks (and actually do them).
Sometimes
you just need to step away from what you're doing or dealing with and
get some air. Sure, getting regular exercise is important for mental
health, but even just taking regular, relaxing walks can be soothing for
your mind. Plus, it may literally force you to take a breather when you
need one.
“Getting out into the world and
connecting with life is usually healing, as is the rhythmic nature of
walking,” Klow says. “It can help get you out of your head and into the
world.” Try taking a walk when you first get up or after dinner, or try
scheduling 20 minutes into your work calendar to remind you to just step
out for a bit.
4. Counter negative thoughts with positive ones.
Negative
thoughts are just a part of life, but they don’t have to consume you.
Instead of trying to ignore those thoughts altogether, try countering
them with positive statements, suggests Dr. Mayer. For example, if
you're feeling anxious and regretful about staying in bed til noon one
day, follow that with a reminder that you really needed some extra rest
and alone time this week. You can get back out there tomorrow.
5. Make a list of "your people."
You
know the ones—these are the people you know you can always call, text,
or email when you need to feel a connection, Klow says.
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“By
building a list of people that you trust, with whom you can talk to in
times of need, you allow yourself a strong sense of not being alone,” he
says. The next time you’re struggling, check out your list and reach
out to someone on it. Then, work your way down if someone you love isn’t
free to talk.
6. When you're stuck in a negative thought spiral, write down two good things.
It's
hard to think of anything else when you’re really upset or frazzled, so
this exercise is mostly about hitting pause and broadening your focus.
Just
think of two or three positive things in your life in this
moment—something that brings you joy, something you're proud of, someone
who loves you. This can help ease your feelings of angst and
frustration, Dr. Clark says. “Gratitude is something I work with people
to cultivate especially when life feels overwhelming and negative,” she
adds. Even being thankful for a hot shower can help you reset.
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7. Have a self-care arsenal.
Everyone
has certain things or coping mechanisms that give them a boost when
they’re feeling crappy, and you might not even realize what yours are,
Klow says. Maybe it's taking a bath, watching that one YouTube clip,
putting on the sweatpants with three different holes in them, whatever.
Just make sure whatever it is, it's accessible when you really need it.
8. Talk back to your inner voice.
Everyone
has an inner voice, i.e. the way you talk to yourself in your head or
out loud. But sometimes that voice can be cruel—even though it's
ultimately dictated by you. It can tell you that you're a failure or
convince you to stress about something that you have absolutely no
control over. “Most people have a loud inner critic which makes their
life more stressful,” Klow says. “Learning to have a reassuring and
soothing inner voice can make a big difference in improving your mental
health.”
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Obviously that's easier said than
done, but here's a good place to start: When your inner voice is giving
you really crappy freedback and advice, stop and consider how you would
talk to your best friend in this situation. Then try to adjust your
inner voice to talk like that. Chances are you wouldn't tell your friend
she's doing everything wrong and everyone hates her. You'd probably
tell her she's overreacting, that she has no reason to think these
things, and that she should focus on what she can actually control in
the situation.
9. Ask yourself “and then what?” when you’re stuck on an anxious thought.
Ruminating
over something that’s making you anxious isn’t going to achieve
anything. But you can help push your thought process forward by forcing
yourself to think ahead, Dr. Clark says. “This helps elucidate thoughts
that are reasonable, probable, or sometimes even rational,” she says.
For
example, if you keep worrying that you're going to lose your job, ask
yourself what would happen if that were the case. That might seem
terrifying at first (you'd be strapped for money, you could lose your
apartment, it could impact your relationship, etc.) but then follow
those thoughts—what would happen next? Maybe you would look for a new
job, find a cheaper apartment, take out a loan. Eventually your thoughts
should come around to reasonable solutions to your biggest worries. You
might even realize that these scenarios—while certainly
anxiety-inducing—are highly unlikely to come to pass.
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10. Think about your alcohol habits and whether you could stand to cut back a little.
Your alcohol intake doesn’t just impact your physical health—it affects your mind, too. So it's important to consider your drinking habits when you're aiming to improve your mental health, says Dr. Clarke.
If you find that you're typically drinking more when you're feeling depressed or anxious, or that you end up feeling worse whenever you drink,
try cutting back on how much you have and how often you have it.
Keeping a log of your drinking and your emotions before and after might
also be helpful.
11. Have a bedtime ritual.
Quality
sleep is a crucial part of your mental health, but it can be especially
hard to come by when you're struggling with anxious or depressed
thoughts. So do everything you can to try to quiet your thoughts before
you get into bed.
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Since it’s unlikely you’re
going to solve anything overnight, Dr. Clark recommends pressing pause
on your thoughts and trying to get a solid night of sleep before diving
back into things. That might include writing down anything you're
worried about so that you can get back to it tomorrow—and stop thinking
about it now.
You can also look for
winding-down activities that won't work against you (the way staring at
your phone or Netflix might), like coloring, journaling, or reading (as
long as you set a stopping point in advance).
The bottom line: There are a number of small but impactful ways to improve your mental health every day.
Of
course, this list is no substitute for getting help from a licensed
mental health professional who can walk you through individual
strategies that can help you. But hopefully this gave you a few ideas
that you can use the next time you're feeling overwhelmed. Remember,
don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
