Actress Lucy Hale said she stopped partying so she could be the "best version" of herself. But why do we think the two are mutually exclusive?
By Lindsey Lanquist, Self
In a recent interview with Byrdie, Lucy Hale talked about becoming the "best version" of herself. The Pretty Little Liars actress revealed that though she's nearly 28, she feels like she's just now discovering who she really is.
[post_ads]Her self-actualization process was multi-faceted: getting a dramatic haircut, discovering a newfound interest in indoor cycling, and pursuing different professional opportunities. Hale also made the decision to stop drinking
or going out—which she has "no interest" in doing anymore. "I'm just
always trying to surround myself with better people and be the best
version of myself possible," the actress told Byrdie. "I know it sounds obnoxious to hear people say that, but why not?"
Instead of partying with friends, Hale now spends her weekends at home—binging Netflix and listening to podcasts
while she hangs out with her dog. And seriously, more power to her.
Chilling with a pet on a Saturday night sounds pretty ideal—and if she's
feeling happier than ever before, clearly she's doing something right.
Still, her comments beg the question: Why do we think people have to give up alcohol, partying, or going out to be their "best selves"?
Hale's not the first to suggest this. In 2014, Bustle's Kat George wrote "8 Ways Your Life Gets Better When You Stop Going Out All The Time." Her positives included: "having more time to have proper interests" and "finding better people in your life." MindBodyGreen published a similar post—"How I Stopped Partying And Started Growing Up"—perpetuating the idea that you can't do both, simultaneously.
[post_ads]Not
to mention, there are countless cultural examples that use images of
women drinking to illustrate they haven't fully matured yet. Amy Schumer
is chugging alcohol from a paper bag on the movie poster for Trainwreck—a film that features the comedian portraying a self-proclaimed "irreverent idiot." In Bridesmaids, Kristen Wiig's Annie gets crossfaded on scotch and who-knows-what, prompting a plane to make an emergency landing after she exclaims she's "ready to paaarty" and insists she can see a colonial woman on the wing. Sisters, Bad Teacher, and Bachelorette feature similar narratives—just to name a few.
Guys, why is this a thing?
Don't get me wrong—if someone is drinking excessively, taking a break definitely has its benefits.
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Before we go any further, let's get something straight: I'm not trying to suggest that no one struggles with drinking. Alcohol abuse is a serious issue, and I don't want to discount that in any way. Excessive drinking (for women, more than eight drinks per week—moderate is up to one drink a day) is associated with a bunch of negative health effects—like weight gain, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and impaired sleeping patterns.
Before we go any further, let's get something straight: I'm not trying to suggest that no one struggles with drinking. Alcohol abuse is a serious issue, and I don't want to discount that in any way. Excessive drinking (for women, more than eight drinks per week—moderate is up to one drink a day) is associated with a bunch of negative health effects—like weight gain, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and impaired sleeping patterns.
Over
time, it can cause learning, memory, and mental health problems. And,
yes, it can cause the kind of debauchery that makes it a seemingly
natural part of the “woman acts like an overgrown, irresponsible child,
then blossoms into a mature, responsible butterfly” narrative.
[post_ads]Anyone
who's experienced a hangover is all too familiar with the aftermath of a
wild night out. "Very often, people wake up anxious, depressed, and
physically feeling very hungover," Laurie Sloane,
LCSW, a New York therapist, tells SELF. “It takes time to get that out
of your system...Then, they're expecting themselves to get up, got to
work, hit the gym the next morning, or function in an effective
way—that's a lot to ask of someone mentally, as well as physically."
These
effects get worse when you're drinking a lot. But they can still pose
problems if you’re only going out a few times a month and overdoing it,
Sloane says. So yes, if you realize alcohol is getting in the way of you
living your best life, cutting back can definitely be effective—it
certainly was for Hale. "If you're trying to be healthy, elated, and on
top of your game, not drinking and focusing on your relationships is
probably ideal," Sloane says.
But it's totally possible to hit up the occasional party—or even have a nightly glass of vino—and still be your best.
First
of all, having an active social life is a valid priority. And it's up
to you to decide how much you want alcohol to be involved in that,
Sloane says. You can have "proper interests"
and hang out with kickass people even if you're drinking. There are
ways to balance fulfilling relationships, personal health (both physical
and mental), and going out—you don't have to "pick two and sacrifice
one" to live your truth.
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Second,
partying can be seriously fun. Have you ever hit that sweet spot during a
night out? The one where you're letting your guard down, talking to new
people, feeling your outfit, and just having an all-around great time?
Sometimes going out can bring with it experiences you might not have
otherwise—and it can inspire you to be a little ballsier, more
confident, and less inhibited in your day-to-day life.
Drink, don't drink, whatever—it's honestly up to you.
Spending
the weekend snuggled up with a puppy and Netflix is Hale's secret to
happiness. Yours might be heading to a party at a nearby bar, having a wine night in with close friends, or something else entirely. It varies from individual to individual, Ryan Fuller, Ph.D, a New York clinical psychologist, tells SELF. This statement seems pretty obvious—but as we've seen, it kind of isn't.
[post_ads]n
his practice, Fuller helps his patients identify their personal
values—and build strategies around those. "Someone might decide that
abstaining from alcohol is going to allow them to put energy into other
aspects of their life they think are more important," he says. "Someone
else might value socializing and connection, and they might view
drinking as something that's fun." It all comes down to the question:
What is your priority? "I want to be sure people are making choices that
are in line with their personal values—and not just because society is
telling them how to be the 'best version' of themselves."
Now
that we've established that, can we all agree to stop perpetuating the
myth that going alcohol-free is the key to a blissful, fulfilled
existence? There's no one-size-fits-all solution to
self-improvement—let's stop pretending there is.
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