By Jamie Hergenrader, Prevention
When you know a friend has been working to drop some pounds, or you
notice a colleague looks a bit slimmer, your first instinct is probably
to compliment them on their success—but hold up. Many of the things we
typically say about someone's weight loss
might seem flattering, but sometimes they can actually be hurtful to
that person. That's because you might unknowingly imply that she didn't
look good until she started working towards her goals.
Next time you want to give kudos to a pal's efforts, follow these guidelines from Brigitte Zeitlin, RD, owner of BZ Nutrition, that will boost any woman's confidence without accidentally hurting her feelings.
Drop this flattering one-liner in place of
"You look so skinny!" Being skinny likely isn't her end goal while she's
working toward a healthy body weight. Plus, since the s-word is the
opposite of "fat," saying that she looks skinny now might imply you
thought she looked too big previously.
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Keep the focus on her experience instead of injecting your own weight-loss successes
or struggles into it like, "When I lost weight..." You might feel like
you're trying to relate to her, but everyone's experience is individual,
and she might interpret that as a judgment of what she's doing compared
to what you tried. You don't want to make her second guess herself.
Hanging out while doing some kind of physical activity is a healthier
alternative to happy hour. After all, endorphins make people happy
(thanks, Elle Woods.) So even if you think grabbing a drink sans
high-cal bar food is no big deal for her diet, you could be setting her
up to indulge once she gets home. We all know that alcohol can make you hungry. (You can sculpt your arms and tighten your tummy with the energizing—and fun—routines from Prevention's Flat Belly Barre!)
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Don't suggest certain places because you think they'll have healthy options
for her. While you might think you're being considerate of her needs,
you don't know exactly what kinds of foods she's eating to reach her
goals, so making those assumptions on her behalf might offend her or
make her second guess what she should be eating, says Zeitlin. Let her
pick the place.
Your first thought might be to reassure her that she doesn't need to
lose weight because she already looks great. But her journey isn't about
what you think, it's about what she thinks, and you should trust that
she is doing the right thing for her body and mind, says Zeitlin.
MORE: Jillian Michaels Says These 6 Easy Tips Will Help You Lose Weight Like You're On 'The Biggest Loser'
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She'll likely have some slip-ups along the way, whether that's missing some workouts
or eating something outside her original plan. But it is not your job
to police her behavior ("you probably shouldn't eat that if you're
trying to lose weight.") Instead, remind her of the progress she's
already made and how she can get right back on track. If she's
interested, offer to go to a workout with her as an accountability
buddy—we all need those.
