We're talking wasps, weed and womb detoxers (yes, really) 😱
By Gemma Askham, Glamour
[post_ads]Heard the one about the wasp nest and the vagina? Even as a joke, it makes your crotch tense. But oak galls – balls of bark cast off when a gall wasp larvae hatches from a tree – are now being sold to mess with our vaginas. Gynaecologist Dr Jen Gunter found the disturbing product in an Etsy ‘health’ shop (term used loosely), with directions to boil up the galls to form an astringent, unregulated, skin-tightening vaginal wash. “Caution: stings”, it warns – but all going ‘well’ (another term used loosely) the wash will dry us out inside. “Feel tight and wanted again!” urges another e-tailer, the delightfully named Vaginal-tightening.com, which sells oak galls (under the Malaysian spelling ‘manjakani’) in its new… wait for it… feel proud to be alive right now… Everteen Gel.
Aside from burning, dryness, the potential for a raging infection and terrifying levels of misogyny, Dr Gunter warned other effects could include: “abrasions during sex,” destroying “the [vagina’s] protective mucous layer” and “increasing the risk of HIV transmission.”
But wasps aren’t the only harmful objects trying to get an ‘in’ into our intimates. The following are all for sale for our V-zone, or have been fished out of it. Lock your legs.
Aside from burning, dryness, the potential for a raging infection and terrifying levels of misogyny, Dr Gunter warned other effects could include: “abrasions during sex,” destroying “the [vagina’s] protective mucous layer” and “increasing the risk of HIV transmission.”
But wasps aren’t the only harmful objects trying to get an ‘in’ into our intimates. The following are all for sale for our V-zone, or have been fished out of it. Lock your legs.
Cannabis
[post_ads]Bringing a vulval twist to the saying “put that in your pipe and smoke it”, cannabis is heading south. Vaginal weed – Veed? – is the latest product from Foria Wellness, a company based in California, where marijuana is legal. The brand is best known for inventing a weed lube that supposedly sends libidos high as a kite; now, its Relief Vaginal Suppositories are tackling period pain. Pop a cannabis tampon up your most precious passage and the theory goes that weed’s muscle-relaxing properties will get straight to work on your cramps, like a Nurofen with a Google Maps app. Note the word ‘theory’ though. Foria’s website confirms: “The efficacy of this product has not yet been confirmed by clinical or FDA (Food & Drug Administration)-approved research.” And definitely don’t try to smoke anything down there.
[post_ads]Bringing a vulval twist to the saying “put that in your pipe and smoke it”, cannabis is heading south. Vaginal weed – Veed? – is the latest product from Foria Wellness, a company based in California, where marijuana is legal. The brand is best known for inventing a weed lube that supposedly sends libidos high as a kite; now, its Relief Vaginal Suppositories are tackling period pain. Pop a cannabis tampon up your most precious passage and the theory goes that weed’s muscle-relaxing properties will get straight to work on your cramps, like a Nurofen with a Google Maps app. Note the word ‘theory’ though. Foria’s website confirms: “The efficacy of this product has not yet been confirmed by clinical or FDA (Food & Drug Administration)-approved research.” And definitely don’t try to smoke anything down there.
Womb detox pearls
By now, you’ve likely spotted a product trend: don’t worry about scientific testing (pah! For women’s parts?!); simply fabricate some guilt. Take Embrace Pangaea and its Herbal Womb Detox Pearls. Right away, we’re told that while we’ve been busy working and getting an education, “we have forgotten to take care of our most precious possession.” Yes, that’s right, you of shocking priorities – you might have great job prospects but you have not been detoxing your womb! What do you mean you never realised this was a thing? “Emotional stress can get stuck in your womb,” it continues. Thankfully, you can put one of its herbal detox teabags up your foof for a day to remove everything that could lead to fibroids, endometriosis or odour. “Do your own research prior to purchasing,” it adds, reassuringly. Or, in our words, FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD HEALTH only ever get the advice of your medically trained, non-scaremongering GP.
By now, you’ve likely spotted a product trend: don’t worry about scientific testing (pah! For women’s parts?!); simply fabricate some guilt. Take Embrace Pangaea and its Herbal Womb Detox Pearls. Right away, we’re told that while we’ve been busy working and getting an education, “we have forgotten to take care of our most precious possession.” Yes, that’s right, you of shocking priorities – you might have great job prospects but you have not been detoxing your womb! What do you mean you never realised this was a thing? “Emotional stress can get stuck in your womb,” it continues. Thankfully, you can put one of its herbal detox teabags up your foof for a day to remove everything that could lead to fibroids, endometriosis or odour. “Do your own research prior to purchasing,” it adds, reassuringly. Or, in our words, FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD HEALTH only ever get the advice of your medically trained, non-scaremongering GP.
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Anything you can’t fit in your handbag
It’s not just your smartphone battling for storage. In any given moment, your hands are fighting to hold a coffee, charging cable, keys, work pass and top up your Instagram Stories. So it’s no wonder we’re open to alternative methods of holding things. According to Medical Daily, intimate ingenuity has stretched – quite literally – to hold a loaded gun with ammunition (found in a 28-year-old after being arrested in Oklahoma); 54 bags of heroin, 8 prescription pills and $51.22 (discovered during a police search of a 27-year-old in Pennsylvania); and a 10-year-old sex toy, uncovered by Scottish medics in a 38-year-old woman suffering from severe weight loss and incontinence. Apparently, she was drunk when she used the toy – then forgot about it. For a decade.
It’s not just your smartphone battling for storage. In any given moment, your hands are fighting to hold a coffee, charging cable, keys, work pass and top up your Instagram Stories. So it’s no wonder we’re open to alternative methods of holding things. According to Medical Daily, intimate ingenuity has stretched – quite literally – to hold a loaded gun with ammunition (found in a 28-year-old after being arrested in Oklahoma); 54 bags of heroin, 8 prescription pills and $51.22 (discovered during a police search of a 27-year-old in Pennsylvania); and a 10-year-old sex toy, uncovered by Scottish medics in a 38-year-old woman suffering from severe weight loss and incontinence. Apparently, she was drunk when she used the toy – then forgot about it. For a decade.
The penis of an exorcist
We get it: these days it’s increasingly difficult to stand out on Tinder. But beware of any man who calls himself a ghost-buster, tells you that your vagina is haunted and then generously offers to perform an exorcism on you – using his penis. Unbelievably, this actually happened in China, with the perpetrator getting arrested shortly afterwards: not just because of his bogus claims, but because he charged the poor woman £2000 for his vaginal ‘services’. And you thought you were haunted by some bad dates.
We get it: these days it’s increasingly difficult to stand out on Tinder. But beware of any man who calls himself a ghost-buster, tells you that your vagina is haunted and then generously offers to perform an exorcism on you – using his penis. Unbelievably, this actually happened in China, with the perpetrator getting arrested shortly afterwards: not just because of his bogus claims, but because he charged the poor woman £2000 for his vaginal ‘services’. And you thought you were haunted by some bad dates.
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